Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I am not Google

Image representing Google as depicted in Crunc...
Image via CrunchBase
It starts innocently enough.

"Hey, Laura, how many ounces are in a cup?"

Well, that's one of those things everyone knows and no one remembers, right? So of course you ask the person next to you.

"Hey, Laura, what time is the fire drill?"

Could be the same situation, except I never got the original email.  The person asking me was the person who forwarded it to me.

"Hey, Laura, how do you get to [anywhere]?"

You don't want me to give you directions.  Trust me.

"Hey, Laura, what day does the 4th fall on?"

Isn't there a calendar right next to your head?  There's not one next to mine...

"Hey, Laura, what's the difference between 'thee' and 'thou'?"

Are you writing historical fiction?  Then why do you need to know?

"Hey, Laura, what should I put in my online dating profile?"

I've never made an online dating profile.  I've never answered one. I have no idea.

"Hey, Laura, how do you spell 'discombobulated'?"

Did your spellchecker crap out?

"Hey, Laura, is it Tuesday or Wednesday that the bar has discount hot dogs?"

Don't know, don't care, don't eat hot dogs.

The common thread here isn't just "Why on earth are you asking me?"

It's "Why on earth are you asking me when looking it up yourself would actually be faster?"

Google "ounces in a cup".  Check your email. Download HopStop. Look at your calendar. Google "thee vs thou."  Read other people's profiles. Run your spellchecker. Check the bar's website.

Because all of those are things I'd have to do for you if you're asking me. Cut out the middleman, would you?

Because I'm not Google, I'm not Wikipedia, I'm not Outlook, and I sure as hell am not HopStop.

Enhanced by Zemanta

No comments:

Post a Comment